I need alone time more than I need anything else in life right now, or so I thought
I have a husband, a daughter that is almost three and is just starting to get good at the terrible twos thing, four big dogs, three cats, one of which thinks he’s a dog and weighs about the size of a small dog. He even eats the dog food, wants to be outside with the other stinky mutts, and challenges them at times and wins. The dogs back down; maybe it’s because he has claws or they think he is one mean alpha pup.
Everyone wants to be around me at all times
I never get a moment to my self; there is always some warm body trying to snuggle up to me or wanting to be fed. Between being a stay at home mom and the only housekeeper (which I’ve given up on because I clean and turn around and there’s a new mess,) I get no me time. In a house full of animals who don’t pick up after themselves I’m no match, I would constantly be cleaning every second of my life.
I’m surrounded by dog farts and hairballs, and a whiny preschooler who’s only response is “NOOOOO!”
I remember a time when my house was quiet. I could think, I could watch TV, anything I wanted without someone wanting to highjack the remote, read a book. Oh a book, I miss being able to put 100% of my focus into a book. I used to take a bath without someone barging into the bathroom, asking for something. I could sleep in, until past noon, or anytime I wanted. Sleeping in doesn’t exist anymore. I’ll never be able to sleep in for the rest of my life. Sleep, real sleep I will never have.
Gone are the days that I feel well rested.
I have a family now, and even though I long for those freedoms that I used to have, I realize too that there were things I was missing. I was extremely lonely. I had no one to rely on. I had no one to love and no one to love me back. I didn’t have a little hand grabbing mine; I didn’t have someone asking me to hold them. I didn’t have someone to snuggle with. I didn’t have someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok when I needed it the most. I didn’t have someone to pick up the slack when I just couldn’t.
I wasn’t in a fog of dog farts and hair tumbleweeds, and chocolate ice cream dripped on the floor and never cleaned up, and taking the shortest showers known to man because who has time for it when you’ve got more important things pulling you in every direction. But that is what pulls me forward, every day now. I may never get alone time, me time, quiet time or whatever you want to call it, but I have US time, and that is greater than any nice warm bath taken in a quiet, empty house.
Originally published at https://www.andilutz.com.